I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
