oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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