Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
