This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
