If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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