I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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