If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
