i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
