mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
