Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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