why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
