the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
