No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
