Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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