Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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