if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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