she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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