Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
