i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
