shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
