Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I bet he comes in French.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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