I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dignity is for republicans.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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