so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
