Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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