i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
