I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
