ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
