So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
