This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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