next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I AM VODKA MAN
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
