so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
