i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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