everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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