grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
