where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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