Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
