If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
