I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
