i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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