life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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