Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i think my cat just said my name.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
