A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
