Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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