You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
