No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
