3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
