It's just like the Real World with babies
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
COCAINE IS GR8
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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