Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
