I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
