Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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