If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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