Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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